1. Don’t anthropomorphize my lunch. I already purchased the tots, I don’t need them to sing, dance or bathe themselves in salt and ketchup. The fact that they are fried makes them appetizing enough. Trust me.
2. I prefer not to have philosophical differences with my food. If the tots believes (yes, I will play along for a moment) in some kind of divine inevitability, I would rather them keep that to themselves.
3. The tots tasted good despite the nuisance of a carton in which they came.
4. "As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is [a tater tot's] destiny and the meaning of [their] life." - Napoleon Bonaparte
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